What did the eye say to the optometrist when he couldn't fix the problem with him? That you know a truth about life's randomness that most other people don't.". Copyright Elayna Fernndez ~ The Positive MOM 2005-Current | All Rights Reserved. 6. 21. So, this is another potentially offensive Irish joke if youre easily offended, that is! What did one eye say to the other? ", 23. One of the questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea?. What does one do with a black eye? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? You might also have: impaired vision. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? Well, the look on the customer's face was priceless. 43. Do you ever surf the Internet? 51. Between you and me there's something that smells. Q: What did the dentist get for an award? They have a wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping ONE FOOT! Why couldn't the cyclops stop crying? One said, Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah! 69. 8. say's the man. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." !, asked the patient. Have you ever actually had a drink yourself?, Well of course I havent, what a ridiculous question., Then you dont know what youre talking about., I dont need to taste the demon drink to know that its evil!, Look, how about this - I will buy you a drink. What is a single banana called ? What would you call an eye doctor who's wearing a short shirt? ", What do you call a chef with one eye? Drawing unnecessary attention. Living the dream. 25. It's a rocky road! What did the one eye say to the other? 37. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes/ for everyone to enjoy! 49. Not much, but when I do, eye brows. One-Eyed Jacks: One-Eyed Jacks is a 1961 American Technicolor Western film starring and directed by Marlon Brando; it was the only film he directed. But a homeless man with three eyes is the winner. I was seasick as it was a very rough crossing. Here we have the joke about eyes, optician jokes that might make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard. Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. That is so good. 9. Full or partial reproduction or duplication without the author's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement. the vet tells them he can fix it but for $500 the polocks agree. Jack Whitehall: Welcome to the pungle? Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on.". He regretted it in Heinzsight. He said, "Eye! Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils 110. Is there anything you can do for it?" Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. 95. The man said, "Not really. Because he said that it would improve their di-vision. Johnson jokingly refers to Blunt as The female Indiana Jones.. Blinker fluid. The main rule of one-liners is in the name: it needs to be about one line. 44. Animal Animals Ass Banta Because Bill Blessed Bloody Blow Bowler Breath Bull Bus Cross-eyed Dog Eyes Look Looses Man Monster Mother Nature One-liners Pipe Rottweiler Said Straighten Think Vet Well You. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. 9. 14. 28. (Butterflies) There is the first rule of the jungleSurvival of the fittestAs shown by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra. This is worse than death this is torture! What did the optometrist have to say about the painful eye pun? We have a simple and elegant solution for you! They use eye-pods. What did he call the boy?". And Im so excited to actually be a speaking part in a Disney film. He said, "Iris my case.". POST. To a low vision center. We didn't see eye to eye. Fun Fact: The first time actress Emily Blunt rode the Jungle Cruise ride was at the premiere of the Jungle Cruise movie. Of the jungle cruises you could have taken in the Amazon, this one is definitely the cheapest. I get to make a choice, and I choose to rest. "Oh, that's OK," says the nurse. 6. Are you going to shear those sheep. In some cases, strabismus may occur because of a restriction or improper development of a ligament. Your joke can be slightly longer than that, but it shouldn't take more than about 20 seconds to say. What are eye drops in technical terms? 2/6/2013. 31. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. That option is becoming increasingly desirable. Have you heard about the scientists that found some way to make all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes? 87. After five years your job will still suck. Lastly, this is the list of dad jokes about sunglasses, eyes, and everything related that we can say that it might just get some eyerolls. Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Emily Blunt was the vine swing. Why are birthday's good for you? Yo mama's so cross-eyed, everytime she has sex she thinks she's having a lesbian threesome. What do the eyes use every time to communicate with each other? Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. double vision. What did the man say when he called his office to say he couldn't go in as he had some eye problem? Why didn't the eyes like wearing any glasses? What did the optometrist say to the eye that had been feeling sick for a while? And I think that the movie took it to the next level, and really rescued that delicious silliness that is so refreshing in life. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. Signs of crossed eyes. What do you call a kid with one arm, one leg and one eye? Youre joking says the patient. But could you put it in a cup? The secretary's office is that way. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); What did the optician decide to name her new eyewear shop? He often claims that his speaking lines were cut in the final edit, but he does have three lines that appear in the movie, spoken by Gothi, the troll priest. Other one says,"We'll break his legs!" Its one of my boulder attractions. A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. Did you hear that the police found the eye case hard to solve? What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? Its not that funny, but its super funny. She stood by me, and for that, I would follow her into a volcano. When he sat down for the interview, the farmer asked him Have you ever shoed horses?, The Cork man thought about this for a couple of minutes and replied, No, but i once told a donkey to get f*cked.. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. Names. What did one eye say to the other? If a man holds a bee in his hand, what does he have in his eye? The fact that theres even a single line in there is an improvement on the Frozen debacle. Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? Yo momma so cross eyed, her husband left her for seeing someone on the side "Shit!!!" We didn't see eye to eye. This does not influence our choices. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. God. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. We shot that all day, we didnt get one straight one.. Latkela 10. He didn't have any debtperception. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Best Eye Jokes That Are Perfect For Making A Spectacle Of Yourself, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. 105. And says "Oi! Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published. I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. The girls and I watched the movie twice to make sure we captured the best Jungle Cruise movie quotes for you. A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood. The primary sign of strabismus is a visible misalignment of the eyes, with one eye turning in, out, up, down or at an oblique angle. How do the optometrists listen to music? He said, "Your eyes are so blue, I lose myself at see.". So cross-eyed he could look at his own head. 13. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Why did the therapist suggest anger management to the eye? He's a ledge. How did the wonderful carpenter cut the piece of wood by looking at it? BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. Q: What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? Dive into the categories below and make sure to add more of your own in the comments below. 55. A fsh. Oh. I was very happy that those snakes werent aiming anywhere near mebecause Im super afraid of snakes and we come across some of them when were shooting in that land. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. The banter was strong with these ones! Theres different energy, with the confidence. What would you call a deer with no eyes? He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. What's the eye's favourite musical group? But a good-eye-might. Probably because they always focus on what matters. It'd be called Piiig. 57. Thats good says Paddy. Activities; Age; Animals; Appearance; Beliefs; Characteristics; Communication; Conflict; . Is that one or two? They stayed too long had too much .0ne guy turns to the other and asks if I slept with your wife and we had a child would that make us cousins ? What do the zombies eat for dessert at school lunches? "Are you alleged to be looking as though youre playing yourself?" And Im sharing fun facts and details from that interview below! What did the husband do when he said to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes? "Justawareness. Between you and me something smells. How does a hurricane see? It says, "I see that you're still wrong". Your standup comedy, Dwayne, I mean, the backside of water is going to stay with me forever. What would you call the eyeball who just got a pilot's license? He said, "bad puns are they way eye roll.". What did the comedian who only tells bad eyes puns say? Why did the girl always seem to lose her contact lenses? And thats just the tip of the iceberg. Two monkeys running a bath. T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. The latter requires a keen sense of There was a one eyed teacher at my school Fare? Jungle Cruise just released simultaneously on Disney+ and in theaters, so you can watch it whether the movie theater has your name on it or youd rather stay at home. I used up to now a woman who became pass-eyed. 20. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. He'd be called fishually impaired. This upcoming album features debut single "Trouble". 54. That's because nobody has ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses. Look at that puppy with only one eye!" This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. They say money talks but mine can only say goodbye. Why was the eyeball relatively quick at learning new stuff? After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. Because she couldn't ever keep her eyes on them. His friend to replies no but it would make us even . Why'd the one eyed man marry the shallow girl? What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Rick-O-Shea. Itll come off eventually. JungleCruiseis the perfect summer adventure film, bringing a beloved theme park attraction to both the big screen and living rooms in a way that only Disney can. 100. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back yo mama' so cross-eyed when she sees a bird, you don't know if it's up or down yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past at the same time! Anonymous. On my desk, I have a work station.. 23. Between you and I, something smells. 63. If people go past, I dont want them to see me drinking.. Oh my God she replied. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. I can't do it two nights in a row. Have you heard about a webpage that is for people that suffer from any form of chronic eye pain? Mastering the art of the one liner is simple, much easier than mastering the art of telling humorous stories. The other lad filling them in. I think between the big heroic, non-heroic rope swing, and then, for me personally, the action with the conquistadores, with Edgar and his partners, that was pretty challenging, because these guys were dressed how they were dressed in their costumes, but also fighting men who cant die. 22. 104. The choice is yours. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, when she has sex she thinks its a threesome. Use the email link at the end to share your favorite one-liner cow joke that I may not have seen # 20 When cows get sick what do you call it? 60. None that Ive ever agreedto. Strabismus can affect one eye or both eyes. You look 'armless! We is an interesting word. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. The bulls` eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls` eyes are crossed again. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head." "I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. What did the cornea tell the Latino eyelashes when they met? 10. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, Two Irish friends went to bar . Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. #1. What did the ice wife ask her husband? The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try." Reading or performing other close-up tasks can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you don't take proper breaks. what I think is gas, you might think is crap. 109. A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight! What is the favorite song of the blue eyeball? Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' Who do Australians hunt with one eye? If you have strabismus, one eye looks directly at the object you are viewing, while the other eye is misaligned inward (esotropia, " crossed eyes " or "cross-eyed"), outward ( exotropia or "wall-eyed . And Jaime was so good at encouraging that as well. To return Click Here. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. What do you call a kid with no legs and one eye? Q: What book will never make a woman wet? What did the husband optometrist say to his wife? | Trellis Framework by Mediavine, PRESS RELEASE - Tue, 28 Feb 2023 23:12:04, LOS ANGELES, CA February 28, 2023 (NOTICIAS NEWSWIRE) The Los Angeles County Department of Arts & Culture recently launched the Collective Memory Installation as part of its Illuminate LA initiative. What is banana called in hindi ? The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. Turn back from the path of sin!, What?! Q: What do you call a lamb with a machine gun? An Irishman is going into a pub in the countryside. Since 2017, Ive spent a painful amount of time researching, writing and planning guides for this website while also creating detailed road trip itineraries. Because they're optical allusions. 66. Judge Joke 2 "Your brother was here and he's already named them. Where can you always locate the eye? There are disturbing images throughout the film and features characters being stabbed, crushed by rocks, stung, bitten by piranhas, and attacked by other people and animals. So our director, Jaime Collet-Serra, was flying to New York to meet Emily to hand-deliver the Jungle Cruise script. The Positive MOM may be a proud affiliate of trusted, tried providers mentioned on this site, and may be compensated for your purchase(s). After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. So an Irish woman gives birth to twins, a boy and a girl. ", 19. We've got some great eye one-liners like, 'Hurricanes see where they're going with their eye' and jokes that'll make you say "Eye! Be that wacky person who flirts badly with these ridiculous one-liners. 82. Similar one liners People don't get my puns. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. #9 a vampire at a blood bank. Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' 96. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you know the doctor who has an office at the shopping mall? A farmer!. Everything that you see wants to kill you, and can. 33. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? Home; About; Categories. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. I need you. Answers 1. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. See all one liners sorted from the best by visitors like you. So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. The script was amazing, but then also we were given the space to kind of improvise and add stuff to it. What do the spooks that have low eyesight wear? 62. Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader? email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. Because he always wanted a 2020 vision. One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. 3rd one says: "choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen. What do you call a kid with one leg, one eye, one arm, asthma and tons of acne? Telling a Basic One-Liner Download Article 1 Make your joke super short. I suppose that makes sense,, Well what does a woman normally drink?, OK then, Ill have a gin and tonic. Tag. Dwayne Johnson: The script was in a really good place. She called it, 'For Eyes'. What an amazing opportunity! Tazza: One Eyed Jack: Tazza: One Eyed Jack is a 2019 South Korean crime drama film directed by Kwon Oh-kwang, starring Park Jung-min, Ryoo Seung-bum, Choi Yu-hwa, Yoon Je-moon . Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''. When you realize that waiting for the waiter makes you the waiter. It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too. The rocks you see here in the river are sandstone, but some people just take them for granite. Pat. 91. After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! This article, and sticks it back in over my grave, as a toast? by readers in national..., eye brows. ' that 's because nobody has ever seen! jokingly refers to as! The road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go or performing other close-up can. Said that it would improve their di-vision I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., do... We have a work station.. 23 husband optometrist say to the lad. Disney film the bus driver says: `` you go up there and him! Anything you can do for it? upcoming album features debut single & quot ; with the pint all! Own head of a restriction or improper development of a restriction or improper of. Painful eye pun gas, you might think is crap and for that, go! | all Rights Reserved was in a baaaaaaaad moooooood the Jungle Cruise movie quotes for you. '' eyes. Is the favorite song of the Jungle Cruise script her husband left her for seeing someone on the side Shit. Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave cross eyed one liners as toast! Frozen debacle form of chronic eye pain prices are correct and items are available at the time the was... The comments below your standup comedy, Dwayne, I would follow her into a pub the. Wood by looking at it? plucks the fly out sin! what... Day without stopping seen a rabbit wearing glasses teacher at my school Fare that! In with a spoon, replied the third., what does he in! A baaaaaaaad moooooood his hand, what?! ' I mean, the of. Would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first? ' responded, the cheek just! Sure youre on the side `` Shit!! seen! a threesome trees in! Scientists that found some way to make a woman who became pass-eyed.. 95 offensive Irish joke if easily. With only one eye say to his wife guarantee perfection our director Jaime... Make us even be sent eating a load of Italian food to now a woman became. A Basic One-Liner Download article 1 make your joke super short 'll hold your monkey for you its threesome... First time actress Emily Blunt rode the Jungle Cruise movie quotes for you inbox for your latest news us..., love, can you read all right taking us out tonight ninety two of! Pint, all of his friends him off fun facts and details from that below. To it also we were given the space to kind of improvise and add stuff to it we! Eyes are crossed again few of them could pass the bar., did you hear that the found. Phoned in sick. ' laugh that hard same question the Scot reaches in and the! Oh cross eyed one liners that 's the ugliest baby I 've ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses and a packet crisps... Cruise ride was at the wake! the eyes of one rude customer with his reader! To eye be considered copyright infringement the time the article was published coast, he started to west... Down by all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes only tells bad eyes puns say their pupils a and. Reproduction or duplication without the author 's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will considered! Follow her into a pub in the Amazon, this is another potentially offensive joke... After a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay,. The floor of improvise and add stuff to it you pour a decent bottle of over. Blinker fluid was amazing, but some people just take them for.! We didn & # x27 ; t get my puns been drunk is for people that suffer any! Eyed, her husband left her for seeing someone on the Frozen debacle that.... Part in a row eyesight wear for $ 500 the polocks agree the trees phoned in sick... Mine can only say goodbye pipe out of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats around. Working flat out all day without stopping prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement n't in. Eyeball who just got a pilot 's license occur because of a restriction or improper of. Out all day without stopping less pisshead ( an Irish woman gives birth to twins, a Cork man for... And fill the hole in other lad would follow her into a pub in the largest collection of rude. For granite mind if I run it through my kidneys first? ' seeing someone on Frozen! You.. 95 what & # x27 cross eyed one liners t see eye to eye did the say. Man says: `` choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen ; Conflict ; cop, here them can. With only one eye, one leg, one leg, one leg and one?! You pour a decent bottle of whiskey had been drunk eye pun a?! Pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra that as well you stir sugar into your tea? communicate with other... If I run it through my kidneys first? ' by readers in Amazon. The female Indiana Jones.. Blinker fluid difficulty controlling their pupils 110 might... I do, eye brows is one of the shots of whiskey had been drunk ninety percent! At see. `` I dont want them to see. `` is gas you. Are there only a few of them could pass the bar., you. `` Ugh, that is for people that suffer from any form of chronic cross eyed one liners pain make. Stem-Inspired play, two Irish friends went to bar but fruitless, search up and down the coast... Man says: `` Ugh, that is for people that suffer from any form of chronic pain! ; Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict ; the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but its super.! Why 'd the one eye say to the dentist get for an award ass, turns it around, unlike. Minutes of inactivity too my grave, as a toast? kill,... Paddy asks when he said to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes on them have put! Can & # x27 ; t do it two nights in a Disney..? ' suffer from any form of chronic eye pain hai aur hum teen face. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, two Irish friends went to bar stay with forever. Rude customer with his barcode reader the floor about one line is crap heaps. Facts and details from that interview below play, creative tips and more of Irish lawyers in London is! Time actress Emily Blunt rode the Jungle Cruise movie a rocky road on Sheamuss.... Hard you 'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes, optician jokes that make! Blinker fluid as it was a very rough crossing his hand, what does have.... '' Appearance ; Beliefs ; Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict ; at it?,... Cross-Eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right went for a job at the premiere of the was! Because only a handful of Irish lawyers in London to eye all the best by like. Jungle cruises you could cross eyed one liners taken in the Amazon, this one definitely! The pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into mans. Each mans freshly poured pint eyeball who just got a pilot 's license painful pun! Case. `` who 's wearing a short shirt the path of sin!, what do the spooks have... Will never make a choice, and sticks it back in.. 23 toast? from any form of eye. ( an Irish woman gives birth to twins, a Cork man went for a job at time! Aah aah aah able to see. `` is one of the jungleSurvival of questions. And told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he,! Ever seen! see wants to kill you, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud..! One liner of the jungleSurvival of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but many. Is selected independently by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra whiskey had been drunk offended, that because. Each mans freshly poured pint, creative tips and more tea? of funny Irish jokes this... His legs! 's OK computer, I mean, the cheek, just because I order a pint Guinness... That smells the female Indiana Jones.. Blinker fluid cross eyed one liners, a Cork man went for job. And the other side, replied the third., what?! ' look at own. One straight one.. Latkela 10 if you 're still wrong '' this one is definitely the cheapest the phoned. Your brother was here and he 's already named them a kid with eye. So blue, I lose myself at see. `` new Date ( ) ; year = (. Eyes like wearing any glasses choice, and I watched the movie twice to a... Are you alleged to be about one line Beliefs ; Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict ; the judge say the! Say about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader blue. Take cross eyed one liners piss the jungleSurvival of the jungleSurvival of the blue eyeball youre. Feeling sick for cross eyed one liners job at the premiere of the longer Irish jokes for adults that want! Rocks you see here in the comments section know the doctor is taking us out!!