I really hope she gets hers in the end. So please let me know when you get home and I will call you back. Learn a new skill I must say this. Then again, she knows that I obsess about these things. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. 99% of us do, but the good thing is that you realize he will never change and youve blocked him for good. I shut down my social network after his vile sister attacked me backstage last fall in year in Chicago. . The one who really understands him. She told me the very same thing happened to her and she could not make herself forgive after this, my ex says she is full of shit, because he went to her for advice on marriage and she obviously had different intentions. You can check out my healing tools here on the site for starters. I know if i ever stayed in any contact with this women she could jeopardize my career and life. If Im so horrible then why are you curious about me? Ellen, Anon is absolutely correct. Theyre not sincere friends if any of their support is conditional. I never free up. Mine doesnt do many of the overtly mean things that people write about. And yes they can carry on affairs for many years without getting caught. I finally learned after falling for the hoovering several times. He doesnt deserve an explanation, or any communication at all. She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. But i wont bite the apple again. "Apologizing" for their behavior. The heart of the book is explainingwhy we do things in these relationships we dont understand and how we can stop. A extremely stressful time in med school. October 09, 2013. by Lisa Thomson. Inside me I was slowly starting to come to terms with things and slowly starting to make attempts to fly again I am feeling stronger inside me after this period of no contact I am also honest and open about what happened and why I am not flying so I dont keep quiet about this but equally I dont make a point about talking about it with everyone around as that in itself was reflecting badly on me. As with all emotions, it can be used positively or negatively. lack of communication and time spent on the relationship, lack of clarity in what his needs/wants/expectations were, lack of definition of my status in his life, etc). No Contact makes the narcissist feel small, worthless, and powerless. That comment really rubs me the wrong way. Yet because the narcissist will never know that for sure, the absolute best thing you can do is work on ceasing to care. I know I was . I love not being that tree falling in the forest. I believed him at first. I just told her I was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up. I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were not there. If I were you, Id decline on the lunch date. I do all that. That includes pulling on the heartstrings, pleading, appealing to your compassion. lol. Guess it didnt matter to the police that I had marks all over my body and I was actually bleeding on my arm. A coward who will never know true love. I agree. I dont want to have this baby alone. But I was just holding on that last bit of connection to him by seeing it as some romantic gesture. But the clincher is, he didnt know that I knew he ended their friendship..and during our last big argument he tried to say that they have a bond that most ppl wouldnt understand. This is a terrible blow to the narcissists self-esteem, and it will activatenarcissistic rage. Hopeless romantic, he would light candles and have music playing. it hurt but I am not responding. I realize the relationship was a major setback for you and I really am sorry. Thank you for this. As she said, He teaches us all how to behave. By you refusing to be his friend, then he looks like the bad guy and narcs hate that. My prayer is for continued healing for both of us. Id been waiting since then to get another call from him to threaten me in some way over the damn freezer but nothing since then up until this past weekend. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. He was married before, and for what he tells me he left his ex wife because he was bored and she was whiny, she didnt like to do anything, etc He also told me he had an affair with his (then) best friends wife for 3 months. This relationship pattern I described above is known as the idealize-devalue-discard-hoover cycle. I bet lots of other women on this site would say the same thing to you. As I left, here she comes in her truck with her 5 dogs and her mother? So when I saw his truck pull into my driveway, I came out my house while on my phone and slowly strolled down the ramp (I have a handicapped ramp) and went to my car to get a paper that I needed to get as he pulled up. What really is bothering me? No one mention Narissism. He would borrow my car and put hundreds of miles on it. He remembers everything I say and twists and turns it intoto something awful he can verbally abuse me with. Broken. Anonymous, I guess some people could do that. For a start, it is self-indulgent. Josi. How do you go no contact if the narcissist is your childs father? Margo. who has no lovefor women . Ah this is a great insight. The worst emotional pain imaginable caused me to lose 30 lbs I didnt need to lose. (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) When I showed him one OUNCE of kindness he proceeded to the next level of his plan by sending the love song. She would tell me how things she did to me would make her sick to her stomach, etc. Im sure Im also co-dependant and Ive been working on that and getting better. I am trying to encourage a relationship between him and kids. Its been six months . This is a tricky one and maybe Kim could help you. The female narc will demean and disrespect you and treat you like dirt and say that you are the mean one. After all, we are human and may not always behave maturely. I cannot stop thinking of the narcissist that Ive had an on and off relationship with for 7 yrs. His phone would be carried into the shower and restroom at all times and turned off at night. So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. And he is a very proud man. Reblogged this on Living Life Creatively and commented: Our fights happened when my opinion differed and/or I would not back down from my position. But he is not, they say, with his long-missing wife, Shelly who hasn't been seen in public since August 2007 and is believed to still be living at . Dont know, if I should/can say youve been lucky. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. When I messaged him and asked him why he was doing that and how inappropriate it was considering how he had left things his response was to say he was just curious and not to get any ideas and also that he was sick of my crazy rantings. He met her and things scalated quickly to the point he is pretty much leaving me and our 3 year old. There are some signs to look out for that signal a narcissist is coming to the 'discard' phase in the relationship. My stepdaughter has now been ostracized by him for questioning his behavior. Am I so far gone for thinking that men always go for cheap and nasty insults like bitch, stupid, crazy when they argue with women? Reading Suggestion: How to take control away from a Narcissist? Get any documentation together that you can that might prove your Ex isnt fit to be your childs primary custodian,which might include any threatening texts and emails, any charges he may have against him for abuse, drugs, or alcohol. I also want you to know that Im not angry with you, but I am sad some and I do miss you. I need help to find the strength to not reach out to him. In retrospect all those times that she said if you cant get me this or that i will find someone that will I never really appreciated the fact that she meant it. I also exhibited behaviour traits that were not characteristic of the disorder, such a desire to work in teams, great empathy for family and friends, no silent treatment, no punishments, forgave others, did not want to harm people and other animals, and I am shared resources. To get back in contact, the hurt starts again and all that contact is belittling you, giving them power and you are back into it. So to all of you who are struggling, there is hope, there is a way out of the dark, over time you begin to love yourself more and you will see the light. Its simply to make you doubt your judgment and make you wonder about your behaviors, which conveniently changes your focus from what HES doing. My N admitted he cheated on his wife the whole time he was with her. & they want it for themselves, They will literally destroy you, slowly & painfully to get it, Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. I have moved out of town and even changed careers. I dont doubt it was a sad day or that he even missed me a little..but I also know that he probably PLANNED to msg me on that day to illicit the sympathy from me. Remember, they are narcs and only care about appearances. I was sleeping there for two nights. Who does that? December 20th was the final day NO CONTACT since then (from me) I thought it was really over everyone said he has gone away. I have spent my whole life with narcissistic men beginning with my father. He ever felt down, I was there to encourage him, to give him the confidence to do whatever it is he wanted. In hindsight, I realize it was a mistake. In conclusion, it is clear that my ex narcissist has not contacted me since our breakup. It was insanely deep how she made others perceive me. Do what your spirit tells you. My husband thinks Im a nascacist and even tho I have not been diagnosed how are some ways I can tell if I am or not. The thing that gives me a bad feeling is that in the meantime when he did not contact you he has a lot of fun and totaly forget about you. This enraged the narcissists because narcissists dont get dumped. He was emotionally and verbally abuse telling me to shut up, the world would be a better place if I couldnt talk. Of course she was wrong, again. Now all of a sudden, its not mine. My question is: from someone who has never exhibited violent tendencies, but is clearly NPD and Antisocial personality disorder should I be concerned for my safety from here on in? At one point I decided to do a little test. I am now working my way up from a breakup. On the other hand, if youre aware of this, and changing the narcissist isnt your motivation, you just know they need a real friend in their life, then go ahead. Would the fresh start include reparations with all the people the narcissist and his sidekicks directly contacted privately to point out this or that smearing observation about me in fact in this area they would have to contact the national grouping of those in our shared sport of hang gliding as at one point my personal communications with a support forum were found by him and then published publically in a national forum so this fresh start, does that include some sort of national statement to repair that damage? Seems to me it was a lie to keep the door open and to justify his sick advances. Due to this, he or she has a load of vile bile stewing in their stomach cavity at all times, and they need someone to project their negative emotions onto. Hi Eden, thats a tricky one because she may not believe you if you tell her what you suspect. They Choose to act like this !!.. I would surely lose a battle like that in court, regardless of that shes lying. They worked together, worked out together text upon waking and until it was time for bed. Then went on to state that if any man came near me hed dismember them and bury them. 2. I keep seeking closure or caring that I know will never come. My own adult children are invisible. Why? It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. I know its the hardest thing to do but let go. Even worse he met an adorable famous person in his country who does the same work as him andnthey are having a baby. If you have issues with this image being used, you should contact them. It was self d fense. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. It has actually helped me to come to understand the behaviours of my most recent ex-boyfriend. If you find that its too much to handle on your own, you may want to consider joining us in The Essential No Contact Bootcamp. He told me he knew this but that it was a flight and it never will last long. Anon Frenchie, many times when one grows up with an emotionally abusive parent, we re-create those patterns with romantic partners later in life. Hi Carole. They want to check up on you []. If you will just act like his friend for the sake of his image, then all will be well in his fake world. Anyway, you read the story. Hi, Ive been involved with a covert narcissist sociopath in my small neighborhood. Only, now we both know the truth. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. He was at her house thats up the street from me having a party. Once that mask falls, you can't pick it back up. Its really hard for a guy like me to talk about issues like this. I have no doubt you will one day hear a similar story with this BPD girl and the new supply. They stayed together for 14 years and from what I can gather within that time there were affairs, a suicide attempt and an episode of post natal psychosis. I loathe and love him simultaneously. I looked like I was dying, no sleep. Im sure he has convinced himself I am no good and he is better off..that way his ego can live with being dumped. He wants the house but I am not budging and he is freaking. Once I tore off his mask, the abuse got worse. I meant no disrespect in my comments above, and I do apologize that it was taken that way. The person Im with is a narcissist when I dont do one little thing its all over he says hes moving out hes told me he was going to leave like 20 times but doesnt go anywhere hes 50 Im 39 . The therapist that was to support me said ,you need him. He literally left my bed one night and was in hers the next. The gas lighting was the worst. I try only now to be patient to feel my way and not react to this sense of emptiness fill it with other things and in a way hope that in time that the feelings will return but that is only for the experience of flying we are not alone in this world we do not do things only for the thing itself but that experience is surrounded by other people and its those people who are largely the same all of whom stood back and let me be abused. He tried to make me jealous with a over-weight woman who glares at me. I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. I cant believe I found this page. It could go either wayeither he wants you as supply, or he wants revenge and is preparing for a painful and harrowing discard. STAY AWAY FROM THEM, THEY MEAN YOU NO GOOD WILL!! and smile and seriously hug your little one- you will get you both out and that will be the beginning of your new life without the crazy nonsense! He would order dinner and have it waiting when I got there. I did try to fix him. I really do. He even moved from LA to NY to be with her and they had only been dating a month! I am finally feeling free but I know when his latest partner has her fill he will come looking for me. Those where a lot!! Kimits been a year and i have just now found these sites on recovery and the mental issues of a NARC. I felt your comment ad if it was me saying it. Because now i have nothing anymore. Just like in your situation, I was blamed everything she did to me. I have no idea what made the relationship degrade so badly. His value is his weakness, not his strengththink of it that wayhe hasnt figured her out yet. They need to go first through the stages of grief and refine themselves. I can be attracted and everything but iy doesnt matter I have no interest its like something died in me. Hes shown you his true nature, and that will never change, as you know. NEXT, I am a small woman and live on my ownnobody. If narcissists dont give us closure, then even their absence can cause us pain. Not that they care. Rod thanks for your input. Its eating me alive I dont like this person I became but he breaks me more and more, Thank you so much for this. So, my ex narc left me three months ago after a 3.5 year relationship for the woman he was involved with before mea 17 year relationship I had no knowledge of, in fact, it is my belief that they never ended that relationship even though he was living with me. Narcs and Psychos dont do this. Shes the youngest of 5 with 4 older brothers. No he way too skilled to do it that way. There are things in you that have become a part of me in some way things that fill a void that had been around for a while regardless of who I was or wasnt dating, things that make me incredibly happy and incredibly confused, things that make me alive. Youd love it. Since this is a discussion related to people with lack of feelings, this type of Narc is irrelevant. Dearest . Stay strong. Not a friend I want to keep, thank you very much. Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. And thats not me yelling at you, however just emphasizing how, their never-wrong, always-right disposition has found them finally without you. Will my narcissist hoover? The never meeting his family or friends The half truths.. He will know how tough life has been, Id hear how HE didnt hear back from me, hes found an amazing new partner and imply how alike she is to me. I could never please her. But I also am a smart guy. Cry it out, talk to friends and family, write it down, cry some more, talk to a therapist, read all about it, share your story..and day by day, piece by piece put yourself back together. These people have NO true sense of self so they, like chameleons, change to impress the new supply, but eventually their true pathology will come out. He is lying to her about his finances and tells her I am trying to turn the kids against him, which could not be further from the truth. Or maybe he decided to abandon that persona for a new one since he felt exposed? The next day, Sunday, Im sitting on my laptop with my phone on the arm of my chair and it goes off; I look at itits the ex. And ONLY in the beginning. It feels so good finally found a site where i have contact with people that understand me. 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