It's common to experience other mental health problems and experiences alongside BPD, which could include: Anxiety and panic attacks Depression Eating problems Dissociative disorders Psychosis or hearing voices Bipolar disorder Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD Sleep problems Love, Linda <3. He says that the money we spent on therapy and meds has done nothing to help; he doesn't think it's worth it. I'n sending a hug to you . You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. Yes, I live in my fathers house, but we barely speak, and I harbor so my anger toward him that sometimes I cant talk to him because I dont know what awful words could come out of my mouth. This insidious illness is as we know is the relationship killer. Ask questions. I hope that your sister receives the help that she needs and that you and your family get the support you deserve as well. This is an extreemly complicated disorder. I want there to be love in the world. This is my second year . Maybe he'll come back to me. This letter really helped me in explaining my condition to all those around me. I could never blame them for not wanting to be around me, but this all left and leaves me with absolutely no support system. It's a long road we all will travel. Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. Don't let people (in my case a doctor) tell you that you will always be like this, that there is no way out. I would live and die alone. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, thats not always possible, and its not always clear why something sets off a trigger. If you are an adult in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison, who fits the . I had promised not to disturb her, but a few minutes later I realized I'd left the book I was reading in the bedroom, so I lightly tapped on the door. We can learn grounding exercises and apply our skills to help during these episodes, and they may become less frequent as we get better. Again tks for this:), You are very welcome. Furthermore, symptoms of BPD often manifest themselves as true emotional (and often times physical) abuse toward the children of those who suffer from the disorder. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. Having BPD is no picnic, either. Thank you so much for your openess, dedication and help. Juliette Virzi. I have done everything that I know to do for the past 28 years. I am a non that just recently gave up after 4 years of chaos. , You have made so much progress!! Yes I can see that that it is a long difficult road. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. An open letter to family and friends regarding the person they know with Borderline Personality Disorder, Manipulative, attention-seeking, dramatic, broken, crazy. Now that we are divorced with a shared custody agreement for our son, she has become impossible to deal with. Debbie, Thank you so much for commenting. I am so thankful that they seem to get it. I am grateful for this letter. I walked away so she wouldnt have to deal with that; because no one should have to. I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. I have to also find a doctor. I worked as part of a DBT team during the last few years before my retirement. I want to point out that you have a lot of clarity and insight into what's been happening for you and your desired boundaries around your family. She's very sweet and often I feel affectionate, close, and relatable to her, but recently she's started holing up away from me and withdrawing. You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. The more I read about BPD, the more I have a hunch that the girl I'm in an LDR with has been living with this or at least a similar pattern dissociation. I am sorry you were scared. I need frequent reminders of this, because if I dont it feels like I will lose faith in humanity completely, and that will shatter every belief I have ever held dear. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. I want you to know that despite the poor choices, the exhaustion and what youve seen as laziness, I have loved you through it. My wife tried to take her life 16 days ago. My boss surely think I'm a nutcase. I will try and find your blog, Lots of love Kat. The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. I am scared, and I am alone. Its important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. Just be there for her in the end when she needs you. It will take time and a lot of effort. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your own progress. Every single time you bring me back down when I'm fighting through a trembling and breathless panic attack that makes absolutely no sense to you. Thank you for taking the time to comment here. I need them to but as an outcast to society, I dont see it. i haven't figured out what i think about BPD.. i've been diagnosed with it several times and as a result the system has treated me TERRIBLY. The content of this website is not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), you might have experience with being called "obsessive.". At times I've felt as if, emotionally, I were being held hostage. Our struggle, particularly as we prepare for our first child, is that this grandparent usually rejects all diagnoses and has not been able to successfully initiate and maintain any treatment regime (medication or therapy). Simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. I wish you peace. Changes will take effect once you reload the page. So hard sometimes. Thank you for the letter and I have seen a lot of younger people diagnosed early in life.I remember feeling this suicidal attempt when I was 15..but never went for any therapy..I just lived life and had my children and worked all the time too. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness. Try to deny it. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience burn out from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. and I guess I thought tough love would maybe get through to her, but it's been 3 and 1/2 years since I have seen or talked to her or my grandchildren. Just let her know I sent you, and she'll be happy to point you in the right direction. . I am generally very good at keeping my head, but every now and then I can behave a bit more extremely, and those are the worst incidents. Seventy-five percent of those diagnosed with BPD are women in their child bearing age (Lamont, 2006). It's sad that I would have to use our son as an instrument to get my wife in front of a mental health professional, but it is the only way I can see him being protected from the long term effects of this mental illness. Should I also even bother being a counselor if I am like this? You remember in high school those kids who went from liking rock music to pop to goth, all to fit in with a group dressing like them, styling their hair like them, using the same mannerisms? I was left out of the loop as to her condition and was very depressed. It was so overwhelming that is when they diagnosed me with severe depression and panic disorder after taking a long test and seeing several drs. But she arrived the next day with a police office to remove, most, but not all of her remaining stuff. What is a BPD such as she expecting from me? You are not the cause of our suffering. I was so considerate and walked over again and again. It's a commitment, but I fully intend to be there for her and listen and work through it when she's ready. I keep reading things about how we cant love and that people should stay well clear of us, thankyou for writing this, my ex split with me, a week ago nd ive signed over my house coz she has nowhere to go, she jus thinks im trying to get back with her and has been told to cut all ties coz I will make her life hell, just feel so alone. However the couple of times I suggested this we just fight and nothing came from it. I also see your side and know you must have been through alot with her and you have to protect yourself and your family. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. Debbie, what a brilliant letter! In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. Yes, it's good to have a job so that i'm out of the house and not laying in bed all day. being transgendered i was unable to get appropriate medical help because i was told my gender disphoria was "identity disturbance". I am sorry you had to grow up too soon. Keep up all the good work here! Thank you so much for writing this, I am putting it everywhere I can. Madeline Richardson. But I fear that she will never forgive me if I maintain I didn't do anything wrong. Something wasnt right, but you still lay down next to me every night. It is possible that something that you said or did triggered us. Huge hugs! You are not the cause of our suffering. Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. He said many times that he wanted to show me love and treat me right but he thinks that his selfishness and pride are preventing him to do so. I am about to go to my brothers wedding and a ton of my family will be there. He is aware of his disorder and I saw him fought many times. There are many different borderline personality disorder symptoms or traits including: feeling empty inside. Shrug. A normal life can be had. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time and in severe cases on the border between reality and psychosis. This is called dissociation. People with BPD have various triggers that can set their symptoms in motion. Other have said it, but I need to add my voice Thank you for writing this. Can you get it without having a BPD Dx on your file? I think about dying every single day. I can't be myself around you. We are ordinary people who care for someone with BPD. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. Thank you for the hope you have given us.and putting it in terms we can understand. It's only a matter of time before DBT is more readily available and accesible. It was both painful and hopeful to read it. My email is kristenwoods81@aol.con. Reacting to someone with borderline personality disorder is a challenge. Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, recently disclosed that she had BPD!!! Check this out. I want to know that honesty and loyalty exist. it gives me so much understanding and hope for my relationship. Thank you fit writing this letter and for your blog. . This was very well thought out and appreciated. i love your article and i wish that i was that far ahead; we are given just one year of dbt then we get on with it alone; there may be a graduate group but it will only be every month or two for a few hours and no therapy; my dbt ended about a month ago and far from moving on i am regressing and i feel that i have never done it at all; i would so like to be able to see things as you do but it looks very unlikely that i ever will; i would say give thanks every day for what you have been given and spare a thought and maybe a prayer for those of us who are still in the pits and stuggling; one year is just not enough to make the skills part of ones life. I have never sought treatment (aside from counseling) for my BPD, because mostly group therapy is suggested and the last thing I want to do is talk to a bunch of strangers about my problems . Now, multiply that feeling times ten and that is what a person with BPD considers intense emotion. She is restarting DBT group in a few weeks. While she was packing one day I played some Mavericks, southwestern country music I thought she would enjoy because that's where she is from. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. Dear *My Name*, I wanted to write you and tell you that I'm sorry I couldn't (or didn't) make it work with you. I open my doors. I'm now 54. It will be a long road, but she will need the support of her family. Sometimes we even take on the mannerisms of other people (we are one way at work, another at home, another at church), which is part of how weve gotten our nickname of chameleons. Sure, people act differently at home and at work, but you might not recognize us by the way we behave at work versus at home. Harm caused is different, and she 'll be happy to point you in the hospital diagnosed BPD. 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