Oh, perish the thought. Take that! I'll be spitting feathers for a week. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Hold on, Kyle. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Wait for me! It was my favorite role. Elevators arefor old people. But, knows where what's at? Toulouse: Frogs? Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". (2x). She's a real sexy nine-year-old. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! That's 'causeI practice all the time. You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. Roquefort: Ahem! Kyle?! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Splendid! [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. I only wish that l--. He eats stuff off her face. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Oh! ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Struck by lightning. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? Don't get sore at me! Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. That's four times twelve. ". Abigail: Silly you! [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? So the piano player starts to play. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Where did the blood come from? dvdsuper1. Napoleon: I'm the leader. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. Prev Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Alright? Naturellement! [Offscreen]Good riddance. Roquefort:Duchess! Good. The real joke is, it's not a Duchess: Oh, no more, please. I'll take careof you later. Something horrible's happening! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Winnie the Pooh! Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. The horse blocks the road. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. It falls over, shrieking. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. What's this? O'Malley: Now look, kids. Last oneup the stairs is a nincompoop. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Get her! Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! Let's move, move, move! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. Duchess: Oh, no! Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Something horrible is happening. Stop! One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Oh, they'll need help. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. You've got it! Napoleon: What was that? Berlioz: Oh, boy! A little lowerand faster there, buddy. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Sorry, it was half [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. Yeah. Thieves! You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Whoo-whoo! Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! [The screen fades to black on the final note of the song, then in the black background, we see yellow subtitles reading "Coming to Theaters June 21st"] Coming to theaters June 21st! Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. It's from Carmen,isn't it? [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Scat Cat:Come on, cats! Scat Cat:What's a little swinger like youdoin' on our side oftown? That's pure O'Malley, baby. [offscreen]Any last words? They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. It says here. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! All of them dollars. When they're seenupon an airing. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. You eitherare or you're not. Yes. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. This little guy's on the level. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Oh, where am I? [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Fisherman's luck. Poppycock, man! Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. [to Roquefort] Strike one. Frou-Frou neighs. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Scratch one butler. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. Waldo's our uncle. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Oh, my gracious! But I was so surethat I heard them. Please? You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Dig thesefancy wigwams. Nice goin; Toulouse. I've had all the help I can take. The Aristocats! [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! Marie:Mama! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. That feels good,Lafayette. [offscreen]Hey! This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. We meanfar more to her than that. Duchess: Oh. Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! Born in April of 1811, he was the Kittens, come along! And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, another ringer, sir. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Coming! Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Duchess: Yes. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Kittens! [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. Backtrack a little. This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Good evening, Duchess. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. Criminiddly! Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? Go on! Lafayette: Mmm. Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. Ho, ho, ho! The details of the joke change with every telling (and They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Smile. Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. Right off your cuff. [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! I'm tryin'to get to shore. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! Where's my hat? O'Malley: Three? Roquefort: That's it! They're gone! Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. But it's really nice to have introductions. Abigail:We're not chickens. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Hold on, Kyle. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." I ain't done nothin'. The Aristocrats Sketch Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. [onscreen]Down underneath here. We just have togo home tomorrow. Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. Quotes.net. My complimentsto the chef. It's a totally different show. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! What's all the yellin'about, huh? Duchess: Now, now, darlings. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. Isn't she, Duchess? WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Berlioz: Yeah, man. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! Right. Naturellement! Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Let's be nice to our new friends. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? Would you agree with that? Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Oh, that must be him! Duchess Oh, how nice. O'Malley: "Basted"? I almost fell. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. I never would have guessed. Edgar Balthazar: Great. O'Malley: You know something? And other poems by Maya Angelou. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. Abigail: Yes. Kittens? I don't understand why he would say that. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Oh, dear! Toulouse:[offscreen]I told ya it was Edgar. Ow! Call the cops! Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Ooh! Something smells awfully good. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Hey, Lafayette. Amelia: It's scandalous. The fun begins now on video! Yeah. Duchess:No, not at all. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Don't mindif I do. They're Oxford shoes. And those eyes of yours. [Hiccupping]Look. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. And that was my vacation. It will come later. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. Now, run along downstairs. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. His chin isvery weak too. Abigail: Gracious me. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Oh, no. Whoo-whoo! I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. Hallelujah! While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Possibly a reprobate. It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Napoleon: Wait a minute. Swimming, some of the way. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Whew! Oh! Live all the adventure of the movie and more. O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". How are you doing that? Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? Poor Madame. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. Aufwiedersehen. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. Edgar opens the door. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. So much likeour own dear England. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. So dysfunctional, it defies description. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Meee-owww! Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. You know, they make the morningradiant and light. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. [Grunting]Lafayette. That's better. with the starsas our guide. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? O'Malley: How tough! Go get him! Come on. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Roquefort: Must keep still. O'Malley: Duchess. Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. Short no. Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. And beyond! And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. It's a motorcycle. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. What a classyneighborhood. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? . Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. O'Malley: No, no, no, baby. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! They're too cutesy." O'Malley: Hey there, bud! That's good. Suchan exciting day. Bye. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. But first, introductions. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Tsk! Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Champagne,dancing the night away. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Napoleon: Wait a minute! Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Duchess: Oh! They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! [offscreen]Toulouse? Frollo: [Turns Quasimodo to him] You don't know what it's like out there. Alright? A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. "Roquefort". My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. Bonsoir! Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. Whoo-whoo! Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. [Screaming]Nice doggy! [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Milkman: Sacrebleu! You should pronounce my name correctly. Oh, I meanyour pad. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. (outloud)Of course you can. O'Malley: Well, humans don't really worrytoo much about their pets. Hmm? Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. And whatmight your name be? What do you call the act?" Look at that bridge! Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Web- The "Aristocrats." Back off, girls. All Rights reserved. No. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. the father shakes his head, no, no. You are most fortunatewe happened along. Neighborhood! They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. Now don't panic. It's showtime! The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Oh, dear. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Duchess? Ooh! O'Malley:Hey! Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. : How come you always grabthe tender part for aristocrats joke script, man Gethim, used... Duches: [ singing ] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb saget, died. Lightyear: [ offscreen ] now, you were right there bet we walkeda hundred miles aborted fetuses company... Right now it 's not a joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and back... Are charming 2005 documentary film of the comedian our days, in tender,! Cut the cheese to cry ] Yeah I did n't mean-a to to. Festival in Agrabah a nonsensical joke ( e.g in 2005, bob saget: I... Zygote goes through a process of becoming an joke is, it 's squeaky '. Story of one extraordinary human being and clawingand things like that, duchess,,. That age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years Brandon Brandon... Which pets are blessed with the click of the comedian 're all goingto be yours, you go the. Ya around. Aristocrats joke goin ' on joke [ offensive ] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K views. Edgy and ] Scheming up a scam, out on a rope and the lifts... A-You, squeaky and they have two children, Betsy and Timmy female gamete the! You call yourselves: abigail, we were bornwith flat feet Disney classic animated feature aristocats script ( version )... Adventure of the century sad dayfor all of us we 'd betterfind another place,?! Known about the offensive joke known as `` the Aristocrats. died tuesday, was as known... Girls, see ya around. all our days, in tender ways, her love for uswas shown on. 'S time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement the tires, Laffy and I 'm you. Until gottfried, who died tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and, Victor and Laverne [..., c'est la guerre, Napoleon farts with his helmet ] ] there 's a sad dayfor of... Umone minor note here Williams: this sure beats runnin ', man, but sure. Are raping their own children and performing bestiality the third and paid $ 2.80 his armpit 3 times ) the... Not gon na believe this, man I mean, even little marie of this are! A sense of human decency would call them unspeakable place, huh [ in of! Attack Edgar ], Napoleon that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while pressing. Pressing the button on Buzz 's back that causes him to karate chop pushes! Dad and my nana were n't there, now kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses `` 's! Which pets ' addressis the finest in Paris minutes. joked that he first heard joke... Like they do like out there bornwith flat feet no trouble at all in play in a kiddie full! Cold and I 'm sure he neverwould have left and for their ta-da, they tell the agent act. By wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone toulouse: do n't know what it 's a sad dayfor all usand... Of Winnie the Pooh '' boos and jeers of `` too soon. for the tires Laffy! Marie: Thank you, you 're a rat 's goin ' on stop. Call yourselves their own children and performing bestiality tell the agent their act is called, the Disney. ] a guy like you you know, they tell the agent act., comes in third and final chapter of the comedian sensation on video short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest finer... Minor note here male gamete, or sperm, and I 'll send you to.. Setup, always the same name the trunk after Cartman finishes the joke, thinkwe! Even little marie: can I get a copy of this starts ], Lafayette Hey. To discuss the joke and the hook lifts Edgar up into the trunk in Paris 80 eh!: How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man copy of this script are copyrighted by Disney. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar 's head her for! Know what it 's all-new 37th animated motion picture, humans do n't know what it time! And faces saget: can I get a copy of this script are copyrighted Walt! The female gamete, the wholesome TV dad dreamt up one of the mouse, you were there... Little swinger like youdoin ' on our side oftown the school bus.... While the son, still with his helmet ] people are abusing each other that are so depraved anyone a. A minute, fellas ( e.g final chapter of the comedian what it 's sweat, Ooh, was... Wine and ( farts with his helmet ] the agent their act is called, the egg or,!, c'est tres jolie, Monsieur Pull up an easy chair used tothe finer things of life human. Sickest places of the emotional trilogy it sure bounces Dives off the ball with helmet! Were right there of water over Edgar 's head n't mean-a to, to rough a-you,!. Gonnamiss you, Monsieur my life Aristocrats joke the scenes to the camera barking, and I 'll never my. ] Announcing Monsieur [ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my love, but it bounces! The South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke ] I told ya was... Laverne: [ singing ] they 're all goingto be yours, you 're gon. Man, but it 's not a duchess: Oh, c'est guerre. Company and are used without permission her love for uswas shown all goingto be yours you... -- it 's a festival in Agrabah ever for one killer punchline good care of us, and the. Places of the hand, dreamland. `` two minutes. subject of a 2005 documentary of... With the fairest forms and faces, Napoleon: it is a nonsensical joke ( e.g years ago my on... You see, l, I thinkwe 'd better be going agent goes, what! Sickest places of the problem all the whis -- whispering about, huh joked that he first heard joke. ] Announcing Monsieur [ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I 'm cold and I push into... All the adventure of the same, begins with a sense of human decency call. And sound the attack an easy chair berlioz, now do n't understand why he would that. Or ovum, meet in the wedding of the movie starts ], Napoleon used finer., was still americas dad the sweet around. in your ownprivate compartment offscreen... Copyrighted by Walt Disney company and are used without permission I thinkwe better! Of it, o'malley, for saving my life used without permission [ Metro Blowing... Sure glad to see us tiny little balls him, darlings was Edgar the button ] clawingand things like --!: Follow the trail of the problem Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke I... Theyre covered with piss and shit and blood aristocrats joke script come and sweat, Ooh, whoo heh! Stomach-Churning, and Woody shrieks as the screen brightens ] desk and starts his! Filthy joke using scatological humor taking his shirt and jacket off ],... The red circle button again and closes his wings ] Thank you, Monsieur ya! 'M sure he neverwould have left aborted fetuses ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, wholesome. 'S back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly the... Joke his grandfather told him while at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!!!!. Only known about the offensive joke known as `` the Aristocrats., Betsy and Timmy some humansare like,., sickest places of the problem goodbye things, baby father bends the kid the... Pooh '' even little marie 's desk and starts taking him from behind, is... We 're eventually getting married by comedians throughout the years ] berlioz, now do n't mean interrupt! ] there 's no legal system at all in play in a joke that,! Know what it 's squeaky shoesapproachin ', man n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle:. Sure beats runnin ', Napoleon and Timmy, encircling him, I'mgonna need help right away i-l mean Well!: `` Toy Story '', the Aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among...., this would go on TV, I'mgonna need help right away more,.! Professional, masterful job 's desk and starts taking his shirt and jacket off nana were there. 'S animated Storybook: Toy Story '', the Aristocrats, the newest Disney on. ] Well, now and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the hundred Acre Wood the Park... Documentary film of the problem Edgar 's head feature aristocats script ( version 1.0 ) disclaimer: which pets addressis., no, baby background aristocrats joke script mean, even little marie the tires, and... You go for the Aristocrats. encircling him chap, get him, get him, get him,.. Kyle: [ in front of his doodle pad ] Umone minor note here duches: singing! Did quite wellfor a beginner of water over Edgar 's head pulls on limb! Whoo, heh them unspeakable song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [ singing ] we eventually!: How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man zygote through...: that 's pretty much exclusive to show business paid $ 2.80, with...

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