and yea, ill agree its shitty -id never do that, like i said- but if thats who she wants at her birthday party, jlyfsh If the wife was invited to the SILs 35th birthday, got drunk, said some nasty things, and acted like a jerk I could understand the lack of invite for the 40th birthday. i dont think so. You just proved why I never recommend dating people who have friends of the opposite sex, even more if those friends are single. January 17, 2013, 1:53 pm. Ok, I think this is more of a rant, but Im really annoyed by it. GatorGirl Well, they finally have showed their true colors to him. no birthday wishes for fabelle either, amiright? I think the situation is crappy but we really dont know enough from her letter to tell whether its her being crappy or the SIL (or his entire family). January 15, 2013, 9:54 pm. Although I am far from perfect, I did nothing wrong. Because yknow, he doesnt actually like you all that much. Or she insisted to her husband that she went to Chicago too? I mean, I could certainly see myself reaching out to just my brother to tell him about a party and ASSUMING OF COURSE his wife would come. ah, but you see, it takes two to make drama happen if you dont feed it, it doesnt grow. Ive never written to an advice column before and found Wendy by Googling for advice. Tldr: boyfriend failed to invite me to a party tonight even though I mentioned to him this morning that I felt sad about his lack of invitation. The couple in question fly into town for an engagement party - which they invite us to - we go and celebrate with them, I feel uncomfortable but am still kind and sweet. I played a major part in the way the backyard turned out. that those details were left out. Agreed! Maybe you were invited.Maybe your hubby just wants to go alone.We really do not know the whole story here.Maybe his sister and you do not get along.If that is the story go whew dont have to sit thru the family crap. make a big deal out of mardi gras, your birthday, your vow renewal, saturday- its cool with me. OH. He, Candice Conner Great In Laws Who Just Don't Trust Anyone Sorry if the formatting is weird, writing this on mobile. January 15, 2013, 11:26 am. (You know that old saying that in order to have friends you first have to be one.) true. (side note: Im a bit of an introvert so I would have been happy to have an excuse to skip what sounds like a dull evening with in laws), wendykh Whatever they may end up telling you, at least you've gained a new perspective, and you'll most likely feel better just talking about what's bothering you. I like that about you. Shes not upset that she wasnt invited, shes upset that her husband wants to go. I now know otherwise, he would not have mentioned it. Yeahits not sitting well with me that youre husband doesnt want you to go either. I would actually wait a little longer than the morning. But I guess that changes from person to person. Sure, shes a bitch to you, but dont be a bitch back to your husband because shes hurting you. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series. Just because you always invite him along doesn't mean he is obligated to do the same. I agree. The LW cant go into these dramatics about cracks in her marriage and expect people to be on her side without justifying why the exclusion is unfair (and I think it has to be a REALLY bad reason, like race or religion or the in-laws being abusive, for her to be this upset). I would never, and I do mean never, accept a family invitation sent only to me and not my husband, simply because we are a unit and the strength of our relationship is the foundation of my life; at the end of the day, I come home to my husband, not my extended family. As for how to talk to him, BE HONEST. Its true, it can go either way. That way, they'll hopefully have some idea about why you've been left out. So not only was I not invited initially, I accepted that and made myself busy. Thats right, LW, send along a NICE gift and let the SIL feel totally embarrassed and awkward! She didnt even say Im not sure why his sister would do this she said its gone unaddressed which makes me think she knows EXACTLY why the SIL excluded her, and that its probably for a good reason. i think that being upset is very valid and not weird, and then taking that and demanding that the husband not go, and then to say that it will wreck the integrity of your marriage are very different ways to go about this. Maybe you have an idea about why you weren't invited: there's a friend of a friend whom you don't really get along with, you don't really know that many people going, so it wouldn't make sense for you to be invited if it's a smaller get together, or it could be about awkwardness between you and an ex that the host just didn't want to deal with. I will never trust you, I cannot have my whole heart invested in our marriage because you have broken my heart in two. If he doesnt, he needs to give his sister a talking-to. It Was a Last Minute Decision Can I just say LW, that I feel so sorry for you that you see this as putting your husband in a bad spot whereas I would have hoped beyond hope that my husband wouldnt need my prodding to try and include me in family events. This morning I realised that he never asked me if I was coming, so I mentioned to him that it hurt my feelings that he didn't even ask me if I wanted to come. January 15, 2013, 11:59 am. January 15, 2013, 3:56 pm. That made it even harder for me to understand why she hid her upcoming wedding from me. She was invited to family birthday parties, dinner, holidays, etc. If you go, treat it as you would the birthday of a friend you very much like: bring a card, buy them drinks,. so shouldnt she, then, be the adult in this situation? Is it normal? You can't. You can invite your aunt and her husband but not cousins if you're not inviting other cousins. (hahaha sorry, I know I sound like a hag, but my bitterness mayyy be due to this one guy I know who ALWAYS wants to drag a group of 20 or so people somewhere 5 hours away, for an entire weekend, just because its his birthday. be the bigger person. It doesnt mean shes insecure in her marriage. I would then never have anything to do with him ever again. I would not expect nor respect a decision if my brother chose to leave his wife home and travel for this party. No . Quite common when the family strongly objects to their family members choice of mate wrong religion, wrong skin color, wrong socio-economic status, wrong political views, gay. You may have even guessed as much, right? November 24, 2018, 9:46 am. Which might lead to mended fences, who knows? But without an update, I guess we wont know! What is so wrong with wanting to have fun though, because that to me is all a birthday party is. Hes happy to stay over at yours, but hes always got a busy day ahead of me, and hes never been in your company later than breakfast. I havent asked him to do that because I dont want to put him in that spot. It was horrible and it was a direct response to my personality. I think if it was closeby then it wouldnt be a big deal for the husband to go solo , but asking the husband to travel and not the wife could presumably take up vacation or travel money that they have as a household, wendykh Soeven though that person may be nice, and kind, and wonderful, they may not top the list of "people I want to invite to a party". I even took a 40 minute round trip drive this afternoon to drop him off at another friends house for pre drinks. reader, So_Very_Confused+, writes (5 May 2014): A I cant have an opinion without knowing why the LW was excluded. My family would never expect, or even request those types of things of me. My point is sometimes people dont really need a huge reason to act ridiculously. OP: it sounds as if you and your boyfriend are looking for different things in life right now. Youre showing them that youre comfortable enough with your husband and your marriage to know when someone isnt worth starting a fight between the two of you. Send them in! Just because you always invite him along doesn't mean he is obligated to do the same. January 15, 2013, 10:20 am. if you dont plant the seed, it doesnt grow. it is really fishy. However, since she is so defensive, its my guess that is not what is going on. For these reasons, talk to your close friends, preferably ones who know the party thrower or host. female Dont let others decide how your time as a couple is to be spent. I guarantee its because Im not married, but Im very close to my brother and sister, and because theyve been with me their entire lives not a lot can get in the way of that relationship, and I certainly wouldnt want my husband trying to get in the way. reader, WhenCowsAttack+, writes (3 May 2014): A There is no time or room in your life for people that do not have regard for your feelings. Totally Want more info on this one. Addie Pray MyGilda-Gram advises, If you need to beg for it, there is no love., Girlfriend, youve got to change your approach. I would take some quality me time and enjoy having the tv remote to myself, clean out some closets one day. Such as saying they're in the process of splitting up, it's just a roommate or something else to stop you snooping. Youve never actually seen him in daylight because all your plans happen to be at night. However, I feel like there is a pretty big reason your SIL is excluding you specifically. 2. When you accidentally bump into him on a night out, he refuses to hold your hand or dance with you. lets_be_honest I would never, and I do mean never, accept a family invitation sent only to me and not my husband, simply because we are a unit and the strength of our relationship is the foundation of my life; at the end of the day, I come home to my husband, not my extended family. I would have chimed in much earlier but Im only just now reading the responses after getting my kids to bed. January 16, 2013, 9:03 am. lets_be_honest She has to be his priority in the Should-I-Go-To-A-Party-My-Spouse-Wasnt-Invited-To situation. January 15, 2013, 10:02 am. reader, Xearo+, writes (4 May 2014): A Some people have a "sad little bear at the picnic" vibe that can bring a party way down. This is why not being invited somewhere can sometimes hurt. March 24, 2018, 4:57 am. This party was a going away party for one of his friends, and some of our mutual friends were present (so it's not like I would be a complete stranger there). Theres also the chance that hes just being shady as the behavior is not normal and I would expect him to insist on taking you.This could be a red flag of him not being the one for you. He may be protecting you. LW, I think you should either flat out ask your husband what the f is going on or call your SIL and ask her what the f is going on. Because if the fault of the rift rests with you then I have sympathy for your husband. If something like this was going on with my husbands family, it would be the first thing out of my mouth, and he would be on the phone. January 15, 2013, 12:06 pm. Im torn on this letter. It sounds like theres no obvious reason why you arent included, and no concrete proof that youre not invited. @katie I think that would be the worst thing to do, everything I have read about creating a strong marriage means that the husband should choose the wife or at least they need to come to a decision together and present a united front. If there truly is no reason for not inviting the LW, I dont even know what to say. January 15, 2013, 3:57 pm. . And that time you bumped into his aunt whilst shopping. Addie Pray No? one is legitimate and perhaps can be remedied, one is just adding more fuel to the fire and is going to cost everyone in the long run.. lemongrass I dont see how youre putting someone out by inviting them somewhere. We are all speculating right now because there is such a broad specturm of things the LW could have done to piss of the SIL. 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